Smutty fan fiction is having a moment, and the writers at 30 Rock are clearly more than happy to indulge. This time, Saturday Night Live reimagines the upcoming Harry Potter TV series as Heated Rivalry — but make it Quidditch.

In the sketch, dubbed Heated Wizardry, Harry (Finn Wolfhard) and Ron (Ben Marshall) tumble into a torrid Hogwarts romance, with the faux trailer going out of its way to clarify that everyone involved is very much 18+. "Hogwarts is basically college now," the narrator helpfully explains. Plot? Lore? World-building? Irrelevant. We’re here to watch two hot wizards kiss.

Is the writing particularly good? Probably not. But that’s beside the point. The sketch fully commits to the genre, delivering steamy glances, breathless longing, and a surprisingly faithful production design for what is, at its core, a shamelessly horny retelling of Harry Potter. If nothing else, it proves that nothing is immune to the gravitational pull of thirst.